


I Wish

by shniam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Implied Relationships, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 19:19:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1399462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shniam/pseuds/shniam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>End of tour party and Perrie faces the reality of her fake relationship.</p>
<p>Songfic to I Wish</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wish

**Author's Note:**

> This is just fiction and I mean not hate towards Perrie. 
> 
> This song just screamed for a fake relationship fic and having Perrie in it just fit.
> 
> Oh and I haven't used all the lyrics in this in case anyone notices!

I Wish

The End-of-Tour party was in full swing, the clock was showing a little after 3am if anyone cared to see and there were revelers showing signs of fatigue all around the edge of the room. Just like the last three end-parties, it was the band and the singers who were still dancing.

Perrie shoved Dave on the arm and he shuffled closer to Paul before resting his head on the broad shoulder, wriggling until he got closer and comfortable. Perrie rolled her eyes and huffed. Seemed everyone was snuggling with someone else, except her. Tossing down the remains of her drink in her mouth, she let the glass drop to the floor and slumped in the corner of the sofa. She hated parties like this, where things were how they were supposed to be and she didn’t get a say in how it played out. Lifting her head off her arm, Perrie looked around. 

Harry and Louis were draped over each other, moving slowly to the music. Louis had his head on Harry’s shoulder and Harry was muttering into Louis’ ear. The Josh was half in an armchair with a blond girl on his lap and his hand up the back of her skirt. The corner of Perrie’s lip twisted, someone at least was having fun! Niall had his tongue down Barbara’s throat and Barbara had her hand in Niall’s jeans. On another sofa the drummer and guitarist appeared to be having a deep debate that involved shots. Going by the amount of alcohol that ended up on the coffee table it was not a conversation that Perrie wanted to get involved in.

Forcing herself to look at the end of the room, Perrie focused on the two figures swaying slowly, not exactly in time to the music. Swallowing back the bile that threatened to rise upwards, she made herself watch. There was no doubt about it, they made a beautiful couple. Liam’s broad frame was wrapped around Zayn’s smaller one, protecting it and holding it close. One hand placed below Zayn’s neck, thumb stroking the bare skin. The other hand snuck round to clasp the opposite hip. Zayn with his head resting on Liam’s shoulder, his hands gripping the front of Liam’s shirt.

He takes your hand  
I die a little  
I watch your eyes  
And I'm in riddles  
Why can't you look at me like that

As Liam rested his head against Zayn’s, Zayn tipped his head back to look at Liam so dark eyes met darker ones. 

Perrie felt her fingers clench at the sofa’s arm as Zayn’s eyelashes flickered in the light, not at her but to the person holding him. It occurred to her that not once had he ever looked at her that way, like the other was the most important person in the world. Every time that she caught these ‘little moments’ between the two singers Perrie swore that a part of her heart broke.

These displays of affection were seldom seen and were more often than not a lot more subtle than those between Harry and Louis. With Liam and Zayn it was the shared looks that hurt Perrie the most, that the two friends could hold whole conversations without words; little inside jokes that she never felt part of. Combined with the gentle brushes, she could almost feel the breeze as the metaphorical door shut in her face.

I hear the beat of my heart getting louder  
Whenever I'm near you

She had tried asking, tried approaching Zayn to ask about it but the words never made it pass her lips. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t known what she was getting herself into but that knowledge didn’t make the ache any less painful.

But I see you with him  
Slow dancing  
Tearing me apart  
'Cause you don't see  
Whenever you kiss him  
I'm breaking

Watching the couple sway to the music, dancing never being one of their strong points, Perrie allowed a small smile to cross her lips. No matter what her feelings towards her rival she could not deny the beauty that was in front of her. The two men moulded together with a fluidity that was enviable, silent words exchanged between them, fingers fluttering across skin, lips brushing faces as Liam took advantage of the slight height difference to gently kiss Zayn’s forehead. The way Zayn closed his eyes at the contact, giving himself up to the feelings that were obviously inside, was too much for Perrie. She turned her head away, swiping at her cheek. It was not a tear, but the moisture on her thumb told the truth.

Oh, how I wish that was me

The day management suggested that a ‘liaison’ between Little Mix and One Direction would be a good thing was forever to be imprinted on Perries mind. At the time it seemed a logical idea, Modest! were managing both groups and it would be good publicity. They all got on well together and were friends, so why not hang out a little more? Zayn and Perrie agreed to it and a ‘whirlwind’ romance took place. Zayn was open from the start about his feelings towards her; he liked her as a friend but nothing more. Someone else had his heart and he was not prepared to give it to anyone else. Perrie had understood and accepted the situation; she saw the relationship as a form of promotion for the girls and wasn’t expecting anything else from it. She certainly hadn’t been expecting to fall in love with the one person she wasn’t supposed to fall in love with.

The tour was torturous. She was sure that was a play on words. There was never any doubt in her mind that whilst five rooms were booked for the boys, excluding those for the band and the rest of the crew, that not all five rooms were ever used. She didn’t expect the five bunks on the bus were used either. Although a very small part of her mind hoped that occasionally Zayn thought of her and slept alone. In her dreams Perrie saw Zayn turning Liam away, saying ‘no, I am in a relationship with someone else and I won’t cheat on her’. Reality had this the other way and it was her that Zayn kept away. They did the publicity thing and had their pictures taken holding hands but as soon as the cameras turned away he dropped her hand like a hot potato. Footage of the tour was hard to view as she knew what to look for, those ‘secret’ looks and the hands. Knowing that when they left the stage her ‘boyfriend’ was going back to the hotel with her love rival. Yet Liam had never been her rival, not really. 

She had tried to be the good-little-girlfriend, even trying to do things that ‘normal’ girlfriends did; buying little presents, posting little sentiments on Twitter and Facebook, having cute photos taken. Lately she had even taken to doing little touches in public, copying the way Liam stroked his hair and face. All that had done was earned her one of ‘The Looks’ before Zayn had walked off. She had actually stood there dumbfounded before Harry had taken sympathy with her and whispered ‘He doesn’t like his hair touched, just so you know’ before he too had walked off. If Zayn didn’t like his hair touched then why did Liam have his fingers tangled in the black quiff? The answer was too much to contemplate.

He looks at you  
The way that I would  
Does all the things  
I know that I could

Now the tour is over Perrie is expecting the call, the call to tell her that her obligations are over; she won’t have to be Zayn Malik’s girlfriend anymore. A small bit released to the newspapers and maybe the odd interview question. Yet she doesn’t want to be released, what she wants is for Zayn to fall in love with her. Which is never going to happen. She wonders what would have happened if the wedding had gone through, would she be the one slow dancing on the empty dance floor, moonlight shining through the window. Would it be her waist that Zayn wrapped his arms around and her face that felt the gentle bristles of stubble against skin? Her lips that felt the gentle caress of the slightly fuller lip as it pulled against her own, her tongue that got to taste the mixture of smoke and whisky from earlier, her body that was pulled closer to the toned torso and bulging erection forming in the tight black jeans. Would it be her that Zayn made love to until the early hours, her eyes that saw Zayn brought to a shuddering mess as he orgasmed. Would she be the one that heard ‘I love you’ whispered in the dark? Would she have been the reason for the look of contentment in the hazel eyes? Would she have ever been the one that whispered love and need into his ear?

Oh, how I wish that was me  
With my hands on your waist  
While we dance in the moonlight

Not bothering to wipe the now obvious tears from her cheek, Perrie stood up and gave one last look at the dancing couple. She felt no malice towards them, it was impossible to hate such beauty and perfection, they belonged together. Picking her bag up Perrie smiled around the room. It was going to be hard leaving the close knit community that made up One Direction but her time was over, she had done her part and it was pointless to hold onto a dream that was never going to come to fruition, especially when it could do her more harm that good. Glancing over to Zayn once more she made eye contact and saw him frown at her actions. Smiling she gave a little nod; she hopped that the king of unspoken words understood her meaning – yes I am going for good now and no I don’t hate you, I love you but I want you to be happy. Touching her fingers to her lips, she blew him a kiss good-bye. Zayn smiled back and returned his head to Liam’s shoulder, he’s arms wrapping around Liam’s waist.

Perrie walked towards the door and the cold night air. The tears rolling down her face felt warm, one last glance back and she whispered an ‘I love you Zayn’ before walking out.

Oh, how I wish  
Oh, how I wish  
Oh, how I wish, that was me


End file.
